Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Yay Change!

Change. The one constant. And yet somehow I always find a way to resist it or be shocked by it's arrival, as if I have never seen summer turn into fall, or love disintegrate into affection or "like", or a setting sun turn the sky amber. I have seen people come and go, I have seen people die and also be born, I have seen snow fall onto the hood of a car and turn into a puddle. And yet, change eludes me. Some people live for it. You know them. They always change jobs, they cut their hair all the time and aren't afraid to dye it various colors. They move a lot. They travel. They change their minds. Often.
Do you know me? Have you seen my hair. I have hair down to my waist that I rarely ever cut and when I do it's as bad as being scared by someone in a dark alley, they way my heart beats out of my chest. I worked at the Newsroom Cafe for over 13 years. I have lived in the same apartment for years. I like my routines. I don't handle it well when people leave my life, whether it is a break-up of some sort or they move.
The rational part of my brain knows that this change thing is all part of life. But my subconscious brain, I suppose, wants things to stay status quo. Or maybe that is not true. Maybe it is just the process of it that fascinates me. Really? Another year has gone by? Really, I actually have lines on my face? I am married? Some of my friends have children? My father died?
Ah, it all boils down to that. When things shift and change shapes a part of me panics, th part of me that lost my dad at a young age. Now you must understand that none of this is a conscious belief. Somewhere in the burrows of my soul, I believe that if I can just keep things "the way they are", if I can just not touch anything, not move anything, then things will be fine. My father will not die. All will be well.

I just got back from leading a retreat with the incredible duo Jana and Miranda Saunders. This is what they do. They help you shift your unconscious patterns so that you may be able to access and manifest all that you want in life. In fact, their favorite saying is " Yay change!"

When I was younger, I couldn't visualize the future simply because my dad died so young that it was hard for me to imagine myself at 30. or 35. Well, I no longer have to visualize. I made it.
( A sigh of relief). I am learning to embrace change. Understanding that it does not have to equal sadness and chaos.
It can be the butterfly.

Excerpt from my poem "Sculpting"

We change shapes and figures over and over again.

We exchange one body for the next, one precious

Stone for a different one.

One pleasure for another.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Well, I am back from an amazing week in Sayulita, Mexico with the incredible duo, Miranda and Jana Saunders, transformational coaches. And that they are. Check out their site We are going back in November.
The group must stay small so as the retreat is intimate so if you are interested I suggest you email them as soon as possible.
Now, as for me.
I have come to the conclusion that getting the heck outa Dodge is good for the soul. Before I left I felt overworked and underpaid and plain old tired. I had lead 2 retreats, had 2 huge fundraisers, one for Haiti, one for, I had gotten married, I had gone to London, I had not had a day off except my wedding in months. I was working 7 days a week for as long as I could remember. Not so good for the soul. I was in survival mode. A way I had existed for a long, long time.
So I go down to Mexico. I work a little, play a lot. I read. I eat. I do yoga. I sleep. I eat more ( all really healthy, clean and fresh food made by our personal chef) I laugh. I swim. I float on a raft for hours on end. I drink a few margaritas. I do not turn on my iPhone, which, if you know me, is quite unbelievable. But it is true. And did it feel good? Yes! A resounding yes! I felt carefree. For the first time in a while.
It reminded reminded of Mark Twain's quote " Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under different conditions."
Even though I love what I do and still cannot believe I actually get paid to do it and have pretty close to a dream life, I still felt out of balance. I was not recharging my soul, my spirit, my mind. My Body! I was going non-stop and running on fumes. It's like pausing in Tadasana to check in before you move on to the next pose.
So down in Sayulita, I was able to reconnect with myself, with the ocean, with my joy!
And yes I am filled with joy. Sometimes it just gets a little lost in the day to day. Sometimes it gets a little lost in the traffic or the sad things that sometimes happen but yes, I am indeed filled with a joy, a zest for life!
I came home on Mother's Day and taught my first class back at Yogaco feeling so inspired and rejuvenated. What if it is possible to always feel how you do just after a vacation? Or during the vacation?
I believe it is!
We simply must take care of ourselves.
Tired? Sleep. Hungry ? Eat. Overworked? Take a day off. Get out of town. Even for a couple of hours. Even a walk in the woods, down to the ocean or lake, a hike, something in nature.

How did I let so long go by?
It's easy, that's how.
With this mentality: I must keep working for there isn't enough. This is the mentality that keeps us in that survival mode.
What I got clear on in Mexico is that there is always, always enough.
I brought back a boatload of sand in all my clothes, in my suitcase, in my books, my yoga mats, and yet I can assure you, Sayulita is not lacking.